Friday, March 13, 2009

Small Group dynamics

"I'm not 'just a mommy,' I'm an anthropologist, creating and studying my own small society"

Wednesday I went in to visit with Levi's therapist to get some advice on how to proceed in dealing with his ADD. My oldest daughter also most likely has it too, as probably Troy and I also, but Levi deals with it in more disruptive ways than his sister's propensity to doodling flowers and creative writing during class lectures.

So we spent a lot of time on my parenting style and philosophies, and somehow my youngest sister way of "hiding" things didn't seem like such a good plan anymore. Maybe I really am a bit of an oddball. I see myself as a boring, conservative, mini-van driving, suburban, YMCA card-carrying soccer mom even though my kids are in gymnastics. But I have 5 kids. I'm Mormon. I do things a little differently. I'm a wannabe homeschooler. We eat whole wheat bread from wheat I grind myself. My extended family is very colorful. Maybe there really is a hidden little drummer who is only in my head. And what to me is a conscience decision to let my kids learn from small decisions and avoid being "helicopter mom" may seem to others, who don't realize that I keep to myself because I'm overly talkative about trivial things, that I'm oblivious, unengaged, inattentive, in short, that I have parental ADD!

So my own small society just had to get a little bigger. I have a "problem child." I have become accountable to someone other than myself, and not the CPS. It's to my village that I've enlisted to help me raise my children: their teachers, my neighbors, our friends. Perhaps I should face up to my attempt as the salmon swimming against the current hasn't been as unobtrusive as I thought.

As one friend put it so aptly, "You're not explaining, you're not defending, you're educating. You do things in a way that's worked for hundreds of years, and society has changed. If you see yourself as an educator, people will not misunderstand you so often."

I'm a very self-conscious anthropologist, er, mama. Perhaps it's time to open up a little and let some of that go.

4 comments:

Liz McCoy said...

I'm interested in reading about your findings! You're writing is so smart I have to look up words sometimes but I feel smarter for having read it :P

Julie P. said...

Your parenting "style" my not be like everyone else, but you do good. Don't stress and enjoy the experience!

Portraits by Rebecca said...

ooh, tricky stuff. Being an anthromomogist is going to suit you well tho, I see. I grew up in an a.d.d. home..any words of ..hmmm..not exactly wisdom but I'd be happy to share stories! At least you'll know its very normal and you're not the only one with the bouncy kid. I like him..I think he's a lot of fun.

Charlotte said...

First - had to tell you that your comment on my gym purse post cracked me up something fierce. Oh, you're awesome!

Second - on a more serious note, I have a "problem child" too. I so feel your pain with all the meetings and the doctors and the parenting discussions. You're not alone:)